Vagina, vagina, vagiiina!

It was #amuse, #amuse, #amuse all around as #vaginamovielines became a trending topic on Twitter today. There was a great number of people, that is, posting well known quotes (or lines) from movies, substituting one key term for the word ‘vagina.’ This may sound more juvenile than funny but it was for a good cause.

The topic was trending in support of U.S. State Representative Lisa Brown who was barred from speaking on the House floor because she used the word ‘vagina’ in a speech opposing Michigan’s new radically restrictive anti-abortion bill. “I’m flattered that you are all so interested in my vagina,” she said, “but no means no.” Apparently this was enough to offend Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas who banned her indefinitely from speaking in future debates.

Laugh or cry. Here are a few posts from today’s #vaginamovielines proceedings:

 

“Toto, we’re not in Vagina anymore.”

 

“Nobody puts VAGINA in a corner. Nobody.”

 

“YOU WANT THE VAGINA!? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE VAGINA!”

 

“Luke, I *am* your Vagina.”

 

“Forget it, Jake. It’s Vagina-town.”

 

“I’ll get you my pretty! You and your little Vagina too!”

 

And here is my personal statement in support of St. Rep. Lisa Brown:

 

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee,

her dress has got a tear.

She waltzes on her way to Mass,

and whistles on the stair.

And underneath her wimple,

she has curlers in her hair.

I’ve even heard her singing in the abbeeeyyyy

 

She’s always late for chapel,

but her penitence is real.

She’s always late for everything,

except for every meal!

I hate to have to say it,

but I very firmly feel:

Maria’s not VAaginaaas aren’t an asset to the abbeeyyy!

 

I’d like to say a word in her behalf,

Maria Vaginas makes me laugh!

 

How do you solve a problem like Maria Vaaggiiinna?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Maria Vagina?

A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown VAGINA!

 

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,

many a thing she ought to understand.

But how do you make her stay?

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria VAGINAAA?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

 

When I’m with her I’m confused,

out of focus and bemused,

and I never know exactly where I am.

Unpredictable as weather

she’s as flighty as a feather!

She’s a darling! She’s a demon! She’s a lamb VAGINA!

 

She’d outpester any pest!

Drive a hornet from its nest!

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl!

She is gentle! She is wild!

She’s a riddle! She’s a child VAGINA!

She’s a headache! She’s an angel!

She’s a girl VAGIIiiinnaaa!

How do you solve a problem like Maria Vagina?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

 

How do you find a word that means Maria Vagina?

A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A vAGINATIONNN!

 

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,

many a thing she ought to understand.

But how do you make her stay?

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria VAAAGIIIiinaa?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

 

Happy Friday. Down with patriarchy.

 

 

 

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