Re-reading it with some distance, I can clearly see the reason I was dissatisfied with it – it needs complete restructuring. My analysis is mixed in with the data mixed in with the explication of the data mixed in with meta-analysis so it reads as a muddle. I wrote on a post-it note in thick black texta:
Data → Explication → Analysis
And then I stuck it on the side of my computer screen. It would make a good tattoo.